This Communication Technology Essay is about how relationships have been impacted. This is the question:
| Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development? |
Understanding the Task
You should be able to see that there are two parts that need to be answered:
- In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
- Is this a positive or negative development?
The first part is about general effects, and the second is asking for your opinion.
So it doesn’t easily fit into an essay ‘type’.
Don’t worry about this. If you have learned to recognize different types of essays but you find one that does not seem to fit any, just focus on working out exactly what you are being asked.
So, in this one, you have to brainstorm some ideas about the way relationships have changed.
Stating your Opinion
For the second part, you need to decide if it is positive or negative, or both.
Choosing one side and writing about it is probably the simplest way to approach it. In other words:
- Body 1: The way relationships have changed
- Body 2: The negative impacts (or positive)
Although it says ‘positive or negative‘, it’s YOUR opinion, so if you decide it is both, it is fine to say this as long as you make it clear.
In this model Communication Technology Essay, the writer has stated that it is both positive and negative.
- Body 1: The way relationships have changed (positive)
- Body 2: The negative impacts
When you take a look at the model answer, you’ll see the writer has discussed the new types of relationships and labeled them as positive but then went on to look at the negative sides.
There are usually several ways you can approach and organize an essay, not just one. As long as it is coherent and answers the question, that is fine.
Now, take a look at the model answer and the comments below.
Communication Technology Essay
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
Model Answer:
It is evident that technology has transformed the ways of communication and influenced relationships in a variety of ways. In my opinion, this has both positive and negative effects.
The principal way in which relationships have been affected is that they tend to be at a distance rather than face-to-face. The advent of the internet has made it easy for business owners to communicate across the world, with remote job opportunities one call away. Online educational programs are available for people residing in different countries, and it is no longer a dream to attend live classes from the comfortable environment of a home. Not only this, social platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube have revolutionized relationships, be it making online friendships with people from other countries or staying in touch with loved ones. Based on this perspective, technology has influenced relationships in a positive way.
However, despite these advances, the quality of interaction has significantly declined in several respects. If people are developing most of their relationships online, this means that they may also have less face-to-face contact. This kind of personal contact is important for human beings to feel wanted and a part of society. This may be a particular problem for children’s social development as they used to be seen playing out on the streets but are now too often indoors. Technology can also mean people are detached from what is going on around them even when they are out, as can be seen by the many people staring into their mobile phones as they travel or walk around.
In conclusion, technology has brought some positive developments in the ways people interact with each other. However, there are also some negative impacts of technology on the types of relationships people make.
(299 Words)
Evaluation: IELTS Writing Task 2
Band Score: 6.5
1. Task Response: Band 7.0
The essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, discussing how technology has influenced the types of relationships people form and presenting both positive and negative perspectives. The argument is relevant and includes examples, such as online education and social media platforms, to support the points.
- Strengths:
- The essay acknowledges both positive and negative effects, showing a balanced approach.
- Examples like “Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube” and “remote job opportunities” are well-linked to the argument.
- Weaknesses:
- The examples are somewhat general. For instance, the mention of “children’s social development” could be expanded with a specific example or study.
- The conclusion is repetitive and does not add any new insights.
To improve:
- Use specific, real-world examples to strengthen the argument (e.g., statistics or examples from personal experience).
- Provide a more nuanced conclusion that ties the ideas together effectively.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. However, there are minor issues with cohesion.
- Strengths:
- Clear paragraphing separates the positive and negative aspects.
- Linking phrases like “Not only this,” “however,” and “in conclusion” are used appropriately.
- Weaknesses:
- The transitions between some ideas could be smoother. For example:
- “This may be a particular problem for children’s social development” could connect more clearly to the broader issue of declining face-to-face interaction.
- Repetitive use of “relationships” and “technology” reduces cohesion.
- The transitions between some ideas could be smoother. For example:
To improve:
- Use more varied linking phrases (“On the other hand,” “Additionally,” “For instance”) to improve flow.
- Avoid overusing key terms by replacing them with synonyms or rephrased expressions.
3. Lexical Resource: Band 6.0
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary but lacks variety and precision at times.
- Strengths:
- Appropriate use of terms like “revolutionized,” “detached,” and “advent of the internet.”
- Attempts to use descriptive phrases like “comfortable environment of a home” and “staring into their mobile phones.”
- Weaknesses:
- Some expressions are repetitive (“relationships,” “positive/negative effects”).
- Informal phrasing, such as “one call away” and “it is no longer a dream,” is not suitable for an academic essay.
- Missed opportunities to use more precise or advanced vocabulary, such as “transformative” or “detrimental.”
To improve:
- Incorporate a wider range of formal and precise vocabulary.
- Replace informal expressions with more academic ones.
- Use synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition.
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0
The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of grammar but contains noticeable errors in sentence structure and phrasing.
- Strengths:
- Variety in sentence structures, such as complex sentences (“This may be a particular problem for children’s social development as they used to be seen playing out on the streets but are now too often indoors.”).
- Correct use of verb tenses in most cases.
- Weaknesses:
- Minor grammatical errors:
- “ways of communication” → should be “ways of communicating.”
- “be it making online friendships” → “whether it is making online friendships.”
- Awkward phrasing, such as “influenced relationships in a variety of ways.”
- Inconsistent article usage (“a distance” → “at a distance”).
- Minor grammatical errors:
To improve:
- Review article usage and prepositions.
- Avoid overly long sentences that can become confusing.
- Proofread for minor grammatical issues.
Strengths:
- Addresses both aspects of the task (positive and negative effects).
- Uses relevant examples and maintains a balanced tone.
- Logical structure with clear paragraphs.
Areas for Improvement:
- Task Response: Expand examples and provide a more insightful conclusion.
- Lexical Resource: Use more advanced vocabulary and avoid repetition.
- Grammar: Address minor errors in phrasing and sentence structure.
- Coherence: Improve transitions between ideas for better flow.
Estimated Band Score for Improved Sample: 7.5
This improved essay demonstrates better structure, vocabulary, grammar, and idea development, leading to a higher score.
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