In this IELTS essay, you have to discuss how children’s friends influence them and what parents can do to make sure they have a good influence.
This is the question:
| The friends that children have are a very important part of their lives. What kinds of influence may children’s friends have on them? What can parents do to ensure that their children’s friends are a good influence on them? |
Answering the Question
You should be able to see that there are two aspects that you need to discuss in your essay:
- The kinds of influence children’s friends may have on them
- The best way for parents to make sure that their children’s friends are a good influence on them
To answer this essay question, you simply need to brainstorm some ideas that directly answer each question.
Try to think of two or three ideas to support each of the questions, and make sure you have some further support to explain each idea fully. You can use examples to do this if you like.
Organizing your Answer
For an IELTS essay, you wouldn’t normally have more than three body paragraphs.
So you could have one body paragraph about each aspect (2 body paragraphs). For example:
- Influence of children’s friends
- Parents input
How do friends influence behavior?
Or perhaps if you are going to discuss both the negative and positive influence of children’s friends, you could have one body paragraph about each of these and then a final body paragraph explaining the way parents can make sure the influence is positive.
- Positive influence of children’s friends
- Negative influence of children’s friends
- Parents input
Now, take a look at the model answer. Which organization does it follow?
Influence of Children’s Friends Essay
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The friends that children have are a very important part of their lives. What kinds of influence may children’s friends have on them? What can parents do to ensure that their children’s friends are a good influence on them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
Model Answer
An essential part of childhood is friendship, and most children realize the need to have a friend or two to make life more fun, especially in school or their immediate community. However, the influence of friends can be both positive and negative, so parents should find ways to ensure their children’s friendships are not detrimental to them.
On the positive side, a child’s friends can motivate them to try activities they might not do on their own because of fear or embarrassment. Thus, some children dabble in sports or the arts because their friends are doing the same. Friends are also a source of help and encouragement when things are tough in school or the family. By lending their expertise or providing sympathy, friends are a blessing in difficult times.
Despite this, on the negative side, some friends can steer a child in the wrong direction. Bullying is something many children copy from their friends until they become full-fledged bullies themselves. There are also many vices children pick up from the wrong crowd in school or their community, such as pornography, drinking, smoking, and even overindulging in video games.
Since children should have a good set of friends, parents must do their part to ensure that happens. One way is for parents to know who these friends are by inquiring about them and learning what they do together. Having these friends over for a meal also allows parents to observe and determine the influence such friends have on their children. Another important task for parents is to educate their children on moral values. There will come a time when parents will no longer be able to dictate who their children choose as friends. But if their children understand right and wrong and are aware of the telltale signs that they are being misled, they will know who to keep and who to drop from their inner circle.
To sum up, friendship is an important part of a child’s formative years as good friends can help a child become better in the different aspects of life. However, parents must be actively involved in monitoring and teaching their children about selecting their friends well to ensure their kids do not fall into the wrong crowd.
(373 Words)
Evaluation: IELTS Writing Task 2
Band Score: 7.5
1. Task Response: Band 8.0
The essay fully addresses both parts of the task, discussing the potential influences children’s friends can have and outlining specific actions parents can take to ensure positive friendships.
- Strengths:
- Balanced discussion of both positive and negative influences.
- The essay provides clear examples, such as trying new activities, bullying, and exposure to vices, to support the arguments.
- Recommendations for parents, including knowing their children’s friends and instilling moral values, are specific and actionable.
- Weaknesses:
- The examples could be more detailed. For instance, mentioning a specific activity like joining a soccer team or learning an instrument would make the positive influences more vivid.
- The conclusion reiterates earlier points rather than providing a deeper insight or final takeaway.
To improve:
- Include more specific, real-life examples to add depth.
- End the conclusion with a forward-looking or reflective statement for greater impact.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.5
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphing and a smooth flow of ideas.
- Strengths:
- Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the task, ensuring clarity and focus.
- Transitional phrases like “On the positive side,” “Despite this, on the negative side,” and “To sum up” guide the reader effectively through the essay.
- Weaknesses:
- Some transitions, such as “By lending their expertise or providing sympathy,” could be more explicitly tied to the argument to enhance cohesion.
- The repetition of “parents must” in the final body paragraph slightly reduces variety.
To improve:
- Use a wider range of linking phrases (“In addition,” “Furthermore,” “Another approach parents can take”) for better variety.
- Avoid redundant phrasing to maintain cohesion.
3. Lexical Resource: Band 7.5
The essay demonstrates a strong range of vocabulary, with some precise word choices, but there is room for further variety and sophistication.
- Strengths:
- Good use of words like “detrimental,” “dabble,” “vices,” and “formative years.”
- Descriptive phrases, such as “steer a child in the wrong direction” and “drop from their inner circle,” add clarity and engagement.
- Weaknesses:
- Some phrases, like “wrong crowd” and “good set of friends,” are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more nuanced expressions.
- Repetition of “friends” throughout the essay could be minimized by using synonyms like “peers” or “companions.”
To improve:
- Introduce more advanced or specific vocabulary. For example: “constructive influence” instead of “positive influence” or “misguided peers” instead of “wrong crowd.”
- Use synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid redundancy.
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 7.0
The grammar is mostly accurate, with a variety of sentence structures used effectively. However, there are minor issues in phrasing and syntax.
- Strengths:
- Effective use of complex sentences (“There will come a time when parents will no longer be able to dictate who their children choose as friends.”).
- Correct use of modal verbs (“parents must do their part,” “children will know who to keep and who to drop”).
- Weaknesses:
- Minor errors in phrasing:
- “know who these friends are by inquiring about them and learning what they do together” → could be rephrased for clarity, e.g., “by asking about their activities and understanding their dynamics.”
- “friends can motivate them to try activities they might not do on their own” → “friends can encourage them to engage in activities they might otherwise avoid.”
- Occasional wordiness, such as “providing sympathy” instead of “offering support.”
- Minor errors in phrasing:
To improve:
- Review sentence structure to ensure clarity and conciseness.
- Use a wider range of grammatical constructions, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, where appropriate.
Strengths:
- Clear and well-structured argument addressing both aspects of the task.
- Balanced discussion of positive and negative influences.
- Specific, actionable suggestions for parents.
Areas for Improvement:
- Task Response: Add more detailed examples and provide a stronger concluding insight.
- Lexical Resource: Use more advanced vocabulary and reduce repetition.
- Grammar: Refine phrasing to enhance clarity and conciseness.
- Coherence: Expand transitions and avoid redundancy in linking phrases.
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