This is an IELTS model child development essay. The essay is about the factors that affect the way that children develop.
This is the question:
Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important.
Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.
The factors that you need to discuss are:
- Social factors (such as television, music, and friends)
- The family
Which do you think has the biggest impact on a child as they grow up?
In this essa,y you have to discuss two opinions and give your opinion. The best way to do this is to dedicate one body paragraph to each opinion.
You can then give your opinion in the second body paragraph and the conclusion, or just the conclusion if you wish.
But however you organize it, you must make sure you do these three things:
- Discuss the first opinion
- Discuss the second opinion
- Give your opinion
Now take a look at the question and the model answer.
IELTS Child Development Essay
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
Child Development Essay Model Answer:
While parents obviously play a major role in the way that their child develops as they get older, many people believe that social factors outside of the family now influence children much more. This essay will examine both sides of the argument.
There is no doubt that there are factors external to the family that significantly impact a child’s development. For example, there is television and the Internet. Children these days have access to these much more than they used to in the past, and they will pick up language and see things that will teach them about life. Friends also have an important influence as a child will often copy peers that they admire and respect. This could be positive behavior, but it could also be negative, such as smoking or taking drugs.
Ultimately, however, it is family who have the most important impact. Children spend nearly all of their time with their families, especially in their early years. They develop their confidence, socialization skills, morals, values, and views on life through their interaction with them. Proof of the importance of this can be seen in the differences between some children. Those who grow up in a dysfunctional home often eventually have problems themselves, whilst those who are brought up in a warm and close environment end up more confident and secure in adult life.
To conclude, it is the family that can provide a supportive, secure, and nurturing environment, which is crucial to the way in which a child becomes an adult. Although it is clear that social factors play a part, I would argue that it is the former that is the most important.
(278 words)
Evaluation:
Task Achievement: Band 8
- The essay fully addresses the prompt by discussing both viewpoints regarding the influences on a child’s development and providing a clear opinion that family is the most important factor.
- Arguments are well-supported with examples, such as the influence of television, friends, and family environment.
- The conclusion clearly reiterates the stance and effectively ties the arguments together.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
- The essay is well-organized, with distinct paragraphs for each perspective and a cohesive conclusion.
- Linking devices such as “for example,” “ultimately,” and “to conclude” are used effectively to guide the reader.
- The flow is logical, though the transition between the importance of external factors and family could be smoother. For instance, adding a phrase like “despite these external influences” could improve the connection.
Lexical Resource: Band 7.5
- Vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with terms like “socialization skills,” “dysfunctional home,” and “nurturing environment.”
- Some phrases could be more precise or formal:
- “Children these days have access to these much more than they used to in the past” could be refined to “Children today have far greater access to these influences than in previous generations.”
- “Pick up language and see things that will teach them about life” might be rephrased as “acquire language skills and be exposed to life lessons.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
- A variety of sentence structures is used effectively, including conditionals, comparisons, and complex sentences.
- Grammatical accuracy is strong, though there is room for minor refinement:
- “It is the family that can provide a supportive, secure, and nurturing environment” could be streamlined to “Families provide a supportive, secure, and nurturing environment.”
Word Count: 286 words
- The essay meets the word requirement and is well-developed without unnecessary repetition or tangents.
Strengths:
- Balanced discussion of both viewpoints with a strong opinion.
- Clear examples to support claims, such as the impact of family on confidence and socialization.
- Logical structure with effective paragraphing.
Areas for Improvement:
- Use more specific or formal phrasing in certain areas for greater precision.
- Smooth transitions between opposing views to enhance cohesion.
- Include specific examples or studies (e.g., research on the effects of family dynamics) to add more depth to the argument.
Overall Band: 7.5 – 8
This essay provides a well-rounded response with clear reasoning and structure. To achieve a higher band, it could use slightly more precise language and include additional evidence or research-based examples.
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