This model essay is about overpopulation in cities. You specifically have to talk about the problems of overpopulation, and suggest some solutions to this problem.
Note that this question specifically asks you what governments and individuals can do.
Organizing a Problems & Solutions Essay
Note that this overpopulation essay question specifically asks you what governments and individuals can do.
You MUST, therefore, write about what both of these can do in order to fully answer the question.
Note that you must talk about serious problems as well.
The easiest way to organize a problems and solutions essay is as follows:
Body 1: Problems
Body 2: Solutions
In this essay, a separate paragraph has been written about government and individual solutions, so it is organized as follows:
Body 1: Problems
Body 2: Solutions – Government
Body 3: Solutions – Individuals
Sample Question: Overpopulation
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
IELTS Overpopulation Essay – Model Answer
Many countries of the world are currently experiencing problems caused by rapidly growing populations in urban areas, and both governments and individuals have a duty to find ways to overcome these problems.
Overpopulation can lead to overcrowding and poor-quality housing in many large cities. Poorly heated or damp housing could cause significant health problems, resulting in illness, such as bronchitis or pneumonia. Another serious consequence of overcrowding is a rising crime rate, as poor living conditions may lead young people, in particular, to take desperate measures and turn to crime or drugs.
In terms of solutions, I believe the government should be largely responsible. Firstly, it is vital that the state provides essential housing and healthcare for all its citizens. Secondly, setting up community projects to help foster more community spirit and help keep young people off the street is a good idea. For example, youth clubs or evening classes for teenagers would keep them occupied. Finally, more effective policing of inner city areas would also be beneficial.
Naturally, individuals should also try to address these problems. One way is to put pressure on the government to ensure they tackle the problems by, for instance, forming action groups to lobby the government and request intervention and adequate funding. They could also form Neighbourhood Watch areas to try and help reduce the high levels of crime.
Therefore, it is clear that the problems caused by overpopulation in urban areas are very serious. Yet if governments and individuals share a collective responsibility, then it may well become possible to offer some solutions.
(260 words)
Evaluation of the Model Answer
Task Achievement: Band 8
The essay thoroughly addresses the problem of urban overpopulation, outlining its effects and proposing practical solutions. It balances the responsibilities of both governments and individuals effectively and includes specific examples, such as youth clubs and Neighborhood Watch programs. However, the argument could be strengthened with more concrete evidence or examples, such as referencing specific cities or countries facing these challenges.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs for problems, governmental solutions, and individual responsibilities. Linking devices like “Firstly,” “Secondly,” “Finally,” and “Therefore” ensure a logical flow. However, some transitions could be smoother, particularly between the government and individual responsibility sections, which feel slightly abrupt.
Lexical Resource: Band 7.5
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like “overcrowding,” “community spirit,” “forming action groups,” and “adequate funding.” However, some word choices, such as “try to address” and “may well become possible,” could be replaced with stronger or more precise expressions for a higher lexical impact. For instance, “attempt to mitigate” or “could feasibly resolve” would elevate the language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
The grammar is mostly accurate, and the essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including conditionals and modal verbs (e.g., “should,” “may,” “could”). A slight issue is the phrasing of “try and help reduce,” which could be more formally expressed as “try to reduce.” Additionally, “resulting in illness, such as bronchitis or pneumonia” could be rephrased for smoother readability, e.g., “which can result in illnesses such as bronchitis or pneumonia.”
Overall Band: 7.5–8
The essay effectively identifies problems and proposes solutions, with good organization and a clear response. To achieve a higher score, it could use more advanced vocabulary and refine some grammatical constructions. Providing specific real-world examples would also enhance the argument.
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