This is a model IELTS Childcare Essay. In the essay, you have to discuss two sides of an argument.
The first is that it is better if pre-school children are looked after at home with relatives such as grandparents. The second opinion is that children should be looked after at childcare centers.
You also have to ensure that you give your own opinion. This is the essay question:
| Some working parents think that childcare centers provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion. |
Analysing the question
You must always make sure you analyze the question carefully before answering it.
This is important to make sure you fully answer the task.
In this childcare essay, you must do three things:
- Discuss looking after children at home with relatives
- Discuss looking after children at childcare centres
- Give your opinion
Remember to also check carefully who is being discussed in the essay.
In this case, it is children who are too young to go to school. So, you would not be talking about older children or teenagers.
Now, take a look at the childcare essay model answer and the comments below.
Should family or carers look after young children?
Childcare Essay Model Answer
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some working parents think that childcare centers provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
Model Answer
Although it is common for parents these days to place their children that are pre-school age into childcare centers, some people criticize this and argue that children will receive a better level of care from relatives such as grandparents. Personally, I would argue that the best choice is to send children to a childcare center.
Those who support care through grandparents cite several reasons for this. Firstly, they claim that this is the safest option due to the fact that they are family members, so they can be trusted at all times to put the health and safety of the child first. Another important consideration is cost. Parents will have to pay to place their children in a childcare center, and with the financial burdens that families face these days, using relatives to care for children would be a considerable cost saving.
Despite these benefits, there are clear advantages of using professional carers. First and foremost, staff members at most centers are fully trained in early childhood education, so they understand child development and will be able to nurture the child’s growing skills in the best way. Not only this, but since there is a mix of instructional activities during the day, such as painting, singing, and storytelling, children’s creativity and learning will be developed. Last but not least, children can benefit from the opportunity to socialize with other children, which they might not get to do with a relative caring for them at home.
To conclude, I am of the opinion that the advantages of using childcare facilities to look after preschool children clearly outweigh the benefits of using relatives. This is because the environment they are brought up in will result in children who are well-educated, creative, and sociable.
(292 Words)
IELTS Evaluation
Band Score: 8.0
1. Task Achievement: Band 8
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the issue, presenting clear arguments for each perspective. The writer’s position is well-defined and supported with logical reasoning and specific benefits of professional childcare centers, such as staff training, structured activities, and opportunities for socialization. The examples, while general, are relevant and illustrate the points well. The conclusion is strong, reaffirming the writer’s stance. To achieve a perfect score, more specific examples or data could be included to enhance the arguments.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay is well-structured and easy to follow, with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. Linking phrases such as “those who support,” “despite these benefits,” and “not only this but” are used effectively to connect ideas. The introduction provides a clear overview, and the conclusion ties the essay together seamlessly. However, the transition between cost-saving and the benefits of family care could be smoother.
3. Lexical Resource: Band 8
The vocabulary is varied and precise, with phrases like “pre-school age,” “financial burdens,” “early childhood education,” and “nurture the child’s growing skills.” Synonyms are well-used to avoid repetition, and the language is formal and appropriate for the task. To improve further, the essay could incorporate more advanced expressions or idiomatic language.
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
The grammar is accurate, with varied sentence structures including complex sentences (“since there is a mix of instructional activities during the day…”) and passive voice (“they are brought up in…”). There are no noticeable errors, and punctuation is used correctly. To achieve a 9, the writer could further diversify sentence structures or include more advanced grammatical constructions.
Strengths:
- Strong arguments for both sides with clear reasoning.
- Excellent structure with cohesive linking devices.
- Varied and precise vocabulary and grammar.
Improvements:
- Include specific examples or data for stronger support.
- Improve transitions in certain areas for smoother flow.
- Use more advanced grammatical structures and idiomatic expressions.
Overall Band: 8.0
This essay demonstrates a strong command of language, excellent task achievement, and a clear, logical structure. With minor refinements, it could achieve a higher band score.
Leave a Reply