This cause and effect essay is about the issue of skin whitening products: why people are using them and their possible dangers for health and society.
Take a look at the question:
| In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. |
There are three things you must discuss:
- The reasons why they are used
- Their effects on health
- Their effects on society
This causes and effects essay has been organized into two body paragraphs. The first discusses the reasons, and the second discusses the effects on health and society.
There are other ways to organize it, of course. For example, you could have three paragraphs, each discussing one of the points above.
Cause and Effect Essay Sample Question
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
Cause and Effect Essay – Model Answer
In many countries, particularly places like Asia, skin whitening products are incredibly popular and provide huge profits for the companies involved in their sale. This essay will examine the reasons why people use these products and the effects this has on people’s health and on society.
The principal reason that people use skin whitening products is because whiter skin is seen to be more desirable than darker skin. To understand why, we need to firstly look at history. In ancient times, those people of a higher status tended to stay indoors, whilst people of a lower status worked outside, usually farming. As a result, those people who were indoors had much lighter skin, which means that whiter skin is now associated with having a higher status than dark skin. Another reason, which is partly related to this, is the desire for the ‘Western’ look. For example, plastic surgery to creat western eyelids and noses is common in Asia, and the white skin is part of this. These beliefs and images are also perpetuated in the media, with adverts showing people with white skin as more successful and attractive.
However, despite the fact that having whiter skin may improve a person’s self-esteem, these products can have negative effects. Regarding health, there are reports that people are harming their skin permanently as some products bought over the counter have prescription-strength ingredients. For instance, some contain steroids or toxins which can severely damage the skin and other parts of the body. In terms of society, there are also detrimental effects. Such behaviour perpetuates the belief that ‘white’ is better than ‘black’, and thus those with darker skin may experience discrimination.
In conclusion, people use whitening products due to the fact that white skin, usually through the media, is portrayed as more desirable. However, steps should be taken to change this image as the drawbacks of this are clear, with potentially dangerous consequences for people’s future health and society as a whole.
(328 Words)
Evaluation:
Task Achievement: Band 8
The essay directly addresses the question by examining the reasons for the popularity of skin whitening products and their effects on health and society. The reasons provided (historical association with higher status, Western influence, and media portrayal) are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The analysis of effects (health risks and societal discrimination) is thorough, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the argument while suggesting steps for change. The essay could score higher with more specific suggestions for changing societal attitudes or concrete examples of ongoing efforts to address the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that logically address causes and effects, and a concise conclusion. Cohesive devices such as “to understand why,” “another reason,” “for instance,” and “however” are effectively used to link ideas. The progression of ideas is smooth, and each paragraph has a clear focus.
Lexical Resource: Band 8
The vocabulary demonstrates sophistication and variety, with terms like “perpetuated,” “higher status,” “self-esteem,” “prescription-strength ingredients,” and “detrimental effects.” The essay avoids excessive repetition, though some phrases like “white skin” could be varied further. Greater use of advanced synonyms and more nuanced expressions could push the score higher.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
The essay exhibits a good range of grammatical structures, including complex and compound sentences. Grammar is largely accurate, with minor errors such as “to creat western eyelids” (should be “to create Western eyelids”). Sentence structures are varied and appropriate for academic writing, contributing to the clarity of the argument.
Word Count: 323 words
The essay exceeds the word limit, providing a thorough discussion without unnecessary repetition or irrelevant information.
Overall Band: 8
This is a strong essay that effectively analyzes the topic, using clear reasoning, relevant examples, and precise language. To reach a higher band, the writer could include more nuanced analysis, further diversify vocabulary, and propose detailed solutions to address societal perceptions of beauty.
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