This cause-and-effect type essay is about time spent away from families.
You need to discuss why this commonly happens these days and the effects on the individual and the families.
Take a look at the question. How would you answer it?
Have a go at brainstorming some ideas and perhaps writing your own response, then compare it to the answer, which is an example of an essay that would get a high band score.
Time Away from Families Essay
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Today, people in many countries have to spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this happening? What effects does this have on the people themselves and on their families? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
Model Answer
In today’s world, many individuals find that they have less time with the family. Before, such occurrences were limited to just a few places, but now, citizens in many countries experience something similar. Although the situation may be viewed as a necessary sacrifice for some, there are consequences.
One reason why this is happening is that the increased standard of living is requiring breadwinners to seek better opportunities farther from home. Domestically, this may mean working in a nearby town or city on the weekdays and going home on the weekends. But other times, the search for greener pastures often requires them to work abroad for months or years. Another reason for this shift is society’s promotion of independence. Nowadays, a person is considered mature and successful if they can live independently. Thus, many teens leave home early, preferring to study in faraway cities. Such independence may also encourage spouses to maintain separate career paths that keep them away from one another for extended periods.
Unfortunately, such a long time apart takes its toll on individuals and their families. Homesickness is often a result of time away from the family, leading to depression. If such persons cannot recover quickly, their jobs or studies are often greatly affected, leading to even more problems – a vicious cycle. As for their families, the lengthy separation usually weakens the family bonds, despite the availability of communication technology. Children often do not feel their absent parent’s love, causing resentment in some cases. The relationship between spouses is particularly strained, which is why marital affairs and divorce often occur.
To conclude, because of the general need to provide for the family and achieve personal success, this trend of living apart is slowly becoming the norm. However, if strong family bonds are to be maintained, families should consider other ways to earn or ensure that meaningful communication between members is somehow sustained.
(316 Words)
IELTS Evaluation
Band Score: 8.0
1. Task Achievement: Band 8
The essay effectively addresses both parts of the task: explaining why people spend more time away from their families and analyzing the effects on individuals and families. The reasons provided—economic demands, societal expectations of independence, and career choices—are well-developed and relevant. Similarly, the consequences, such as depression, weakened family bonds, and strained relationships, are logical and explained with clarity. However, the essay could be enhanced by including more specific examples or data to support the points further.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and effects, and a thoughtful conclusion. Cohesive devices such as “One reason why,” “Another reason,” “Unfortunately,” and “To conclude” are used effectively to guide the reader. The ideas flow logically, but there is some repetition of phrases like “time away from the family” and “lengthy separation,” which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical variety.
3. Lexical Resource: Band 8
The vocabulary demonstrates a good range, with expressions like “greener pastures,” “general need to provide,” “weakened family bonds,” and “marital affairs.” However, some phrases, such as “leading to even more problems,” could be more specific or nuanced, e.g., “exacerbating existing challenges.” Overall, word choice is appropriate and supports the argument effectively.
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
The essay displays a variety of sentence structures, including conditionals (“If such persons cannot recover quickly…”) and relative clauses (“that keep them away from one another for extended periods.”). Grammar is generally accurate, but there are minor issues with redundancy, such as “leading to even more problems – a vicious cycle.” Simplifying the sentence would enhance readability.
Suggestions for Improvement
- Include concrete examples or statistics, such as the number of people working abroad or trends in divorce rates due to separation.
- Use more varied synonyms to avoid repetition of key phrases.
- Ensure sentences are concise and avoid redundancy.
Overall Comments
This is a well-written essay that addresses the task comprehensively, with balanced analysis and clear arguments. With minor improvements in lexical variety and specificity, it could achieve a Band 8.5 or even a 9. The discussion is insightful and demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic.
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