This paying attention in class essay is a causes and solutions type question.
The issue is about the extent to which children at school concentrate or pay attention in their classes.
| These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? |
Organising the Essay
There are two ways that you can organize an essay like this. Firstly, you could write a paragraph about the causes / reasons and then a paragraph about the possible solutions.
This is a good idea when you have general solutions that do not specifically relate to the causes that you have given.
An example of this type of organization can be seen in this Stress Essay.
However, if you wish, you can put the solution directly after the cause if it is directly related to that cause. So the organization would be as follows:
- Body 1: Cause – Solution
- Body 2: Cause – Solution
Now take a look at the question and model answer for paying attention in class essay.
IELTS Paying Attention in Class Essay
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: These days, many children have difficulty paying attention and concentrating in their classes at school. What are the reasons for this? How can it be dealt with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
Model Answer
Teachers are increasingly finding that their pupils do not pay full attention or concentrate properly during class time. This essay will examine the reasons for this and suggest some possible solutions.
One of the reasons for this is that teachers now lack the freedom to discipline children. In the past, teachers could use any methods they felt appropriate to control pupils in their class, even if this meant physical punishment. However, the balance has now changed, with children aware that there are limits to what a teacher can do, and without this respect, they do not concentrate if they do not want to. There have, for example, been cases where pupils have sued teachers for disciplining them too harshly. Children should, of course, not be abused, but teachers must be given more power to use the methods that they think are appropriate to control the class without fear of recrimination.
Another factor may be the diet of children. Research has widely reported that the additives in a lot of the snacks and carbonated drinks that children drink regularly can cause behavioral changes such as hyperactivity. This may lead to a lack of ability to concentrate in class. To prevent this, schools must make sure that these snacks are not available at the school. Parents have a part to play as well, and they must ensure that their children are not given too much of these types of snacks at home.
To conclude, children may have difficulty paying attention in class because of a lack of discipline in schools and additives from snacks. However, the solutions are to give more power back to teachers and to limit the availability of certain foods.
(280 Words)
IELTS Evaluation
Band Score: 8
1. Task Achievement: Band 8.5
The essay addresses all parts of the task with clear reasons for why children struggle to concentrate in class (lack of discipline and poor diet) and provides appropriate solutions for both. The examples and explanations, such as the role of teacher authority and the impact of additives, are relevant and specific. However, the discussion about discipline might come across as slightly one-sided, not fully exploring alternatives to physical discipline. A more balanced view would improve the score further.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific reason or solution, making it easy to follow. Cohesive devices like “One of the reasons,” “However,” “To prevent this,” and “To conclude” are used effectively. However, some transitions could be smoother. For instance, the move from discipline to diet feels abrupt and could benefit from a linking sentence.
3. Lexical Resource: Band 8
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with expressions such as “pupils do not pay full attention,” “limits to what a teacher can do,” “behavioral changes such as hyperactivity,” and “fear of recrimination.” These demonstrate good lexical range. However, phrases like “use any methods they felt appropriate” could be more precise to avoid misinterpretation.
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 7.5
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including conditionals (“if they do not want to”) and passive constructions (“been cases where pupils have sued teachers”). There are minor inaccuracies, such as “teachers could use any methods they felt appropriate to control pupils” (which could imply excessive freedom) and “teachers must be given more power” (lacking specificity about non-physical approaches). Addressing these would enhance clarity and grammatical precision.
Suggestions for Improvement
- Balance the discussion on discipline: Include alternative methods like positive reinforcement or improved engagement strategies rather than focusing heavily on returning power to teachers.
- Improve transitions: Add linking sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs, especially when moving from discipline to diet.
- Refine grammar: Ensure clarity and avoid ambiguous phrases like “any methods they felt appropriate.”
Overall Comments
This is a well-written essay with clear arguments and relevant solutions. With more balanced analysis and minor improvements to transitions and phrasing, it could achieve a higher score.
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