IELTS essays can be on a variety of topics, and this writing sample is about reducing crime.
As with the previous essay, there are two opinions, and you must discuss each one, and your opinion must also be given.
In the previous essay, the writer’s opinion was given in the conclusion. In this one, a separate body paragraph discusses the writer’s opinion.
If you do this though you have to be very careful not to just repeat what you have said in a previous paragraph into the third paragraph.
It has to be something new.
IELTS Essays – Reducing Crime
| You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. |
IELTS Essays – Model Answer:
Crime is a serious and growing problem in most societies. Although many people believe that the best way to tackle this is to place people in prison for longer periods, others are of the opinion that other measures will be more effective.
There are benefits of giving offenders longer prison sentences. Firstly, spending a long time in prison provides an opportunity for the prison services to rehabilitate a prisoner. For example, someone who has committed a serious offence such as assault will need a long time in prison in order to be sure they can be re-educated not to re-offend. In addition to this, longer prison sentences will act as a deterrent for someone who is thinking of committing a crime.
However, some people argue that leaving people in prison for a long time means that they will mix with other criminals, and so their character will not improve. One alternative is community service. This gives an offender the opportunity to give something positive back to society, and so it may improve their character. Also, the government could focus its resources on the causes of crime, which would lead to less crime in the future.
In my opinion, it is important to look at alternative methods. Many countries have lengthy prison sentences, but crime has continued to increase throughout the world, so it is clear that this is not completely effective. That said, long prison sentences should remain for those who commit serious crimes such as assault or murder, as justice for the victim and their family should take priority.
To conclude, there are good arguments for and against long sentences, so governments must continue to research the various methods of crime reduction to ensure effective policies are in place.
(294 words)
Evaluation:
Task Achievement: Band 7.5
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both perspectives on long prison sentences and alternative measures. The arguments are well-developed, with relevant points about rehabilitation, deterrence, community service, and addressing the causes of crime. However, the essay could be improved by providing more concrete examples or evidence to support these points. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize the writer’s opinion more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. Ideas flow smoothly, and cohesive devices like “Firstly,” “In addition to this,” and “However” are used effectively to link ideas. The transitions between the pros and cons of long sentences are clear, enhancing the overall readability.
Lexical Resource: Band 7.5
The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, with phrases like “rehabilitate a prisoner,” “deterrent,” and “give something positive back to society.” However, some expressions could be more sophisticated, and repetitive phrases (e.g., “long prison sentences”) could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrasing for greater lexical variety.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 8
The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. Grammar is accurate overall, with occasional minor slips (e.g., “so their character will not improve” could be phrased more formally). The use of modal verbs (“should,” “could”) and conditionals enhances grammatical range.
Word Count: 294 words
The essay comfortably meets the word count requirement, addressing the task thoroughly without unnecessary repetition.
Overall Band: 7.5-8
This essay is well-organized, addresses the question effectively, and demonstrates a good range of language and grammar. To achieve a higher score, the writer could add more specific examples, enhance lexical variety, and refine the conclusion to more explicitly summarize their stance.
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