Writing Task 1 Double Pie Charts

This writing task 1 pie chart is discussing the proportions of staff employment in the public sector over two years.

There are two charts, and if possible it’s better to try and compare categories together (‘age’ in this case) rather than just describing one pie chart then describing the other.

By doing this you will better highlight particular similarities and differences over the years.

Now take a look at the question and model answer. There is a discussion of why the writing task 1 pie chart would get a good score below the model answer.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

Model Answer

The pie charts illustrate the ages of people employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020. Overall, while the percentage of those employed in their 20s and 40s increased, employment for other age groups, particularly the over 50s, fell.

Turning first to the younger age groups, although the employment of workers under 21 in fact fell from 14% in 2015 to 12% in 2020, the overall percentage of workers under 30 actually rose because of the surge in the employment of 21-30-year-olds, which increased significantly from 23% to 33%. Similarly, the proportion of employees over the age of 40 climbed from 19% in 2015 to 28% by 2020.

However, other groups saw quite significant falls in employment. For 31-40 year olds, the employment figure plummeted from 21% in 2015 to just 11% by 2020, which represented a substantial drop of more than 50% in relative terms. Likewise, the employment of over 50s declined, though not by quite so much, standing at 23% in 2015 and 16% in 2020.

(172 Words)

Evaluation of the model answer

Your analysis of the pie charts is clear and well-organized. The comparison between age groups is effectively presented, and the key trends are identified. Below are some suggestions for improving clarity and coherence.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8

The overall structure is strong, with clear divisions between the younger and older age groups. The comparison between the years is well-executed.
Transitions like “however” and “similarly” are used effectively to link the sections.

Language and Grammar: Band 7-8

Verb tense: Your verb tense is mostly consistent, but the phrase “although the employment of workers under 21 in fact fell” could be reworded for smoothness. You might say: “Despite a decrease in employment for workers under 21.”
Phrasing: In the sentence “the employment figure plummeted from 21% to just 11%,” the word “plummeted” is strong and effective, but using “dropped significantly” or “decreased dramatically” could sound a bit more formal.

Task Achievement: Band 8

You successfully identified the main trends and compared the key differences between the years.
Including more specific analysis, such as what caused the rise in 20s and 40s employment or how these trends might have impacted the public sector, could enhance your response.

Lexical Resource: Band 7

The vocabulary used is appropriate, but some repetition can be avoided. For example, the word “employment” is repeated often. Consider using synonyms like “employment rates,” “workforce,” or “hiring trends” to add variety.
The phrase “quite significant falls” could be improved for precision by rephrasing it as “notable declines” or “sharp decreases.”

Suggestions for Improvement:

Vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition, especially with common words like “employment.”
Maintain a formal tone throughout the response. Although “plummeted” works well, slightly softer phrases like “experienced a sharp decline” might better suit a formal report style.
Try to offer more explanation or interpretation of the trends beyond just reporting percentages.

Overall Evaluation: Band 7.5-8

This response is clear, well-organized, and addresses the task requirements. To achieve a higher band, consider varying your language and adding more detailed interpretation or explanation of the trends described in the charts.